Biopsy Day!!!

When I showed up on the 24th with my good friend Anna (she drove me, God bless her!) I was informed that I was going to have 2 procedures. Of course they didn't tell me that the first procedure was going to be in the "BIOPSY MACHINE FROM HELL!!!"

Imagine yourself as a car. A car on a rack. A car on a rack jacked up with people underneath you doing stuff to you. Stuff that you can't see. That's the machine. It's a big table with a hole in the middle of it, and through this hole dangles your breast. I have to ask, though, WHO THE HELL PUT THE HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE???!!!! This machine had to have been designed by a man who somehow had the idea that a woman's breasts were in the dead center of her body. You see, had I been any taller, my feet would have seriously hung off the end.

I'm sure the design was so they could fit all of the equipment, etc under the "rack", but Jesus Christ on roller skates, man! Use a little common sense!!

Anyway, I got myself situated flat on my back with my head turned to the right, my left arm straight down by my side and my right hand up near my head. My left breast was hanging through that frikkin' hole and all I could feel were hands...yanking and pulling and stretching the damned thing so it could be SQUISHED IN THE CLAMP OF EVIL!!  Actually, they need to do that...hold the breast in one spot. Once they get your "womanly flesh" situated so everything is showing up on the computer like it should...?  Then...then you are told not to move.

Dear God, I never wanted to move so much in my life. It was motherfucking uncomfortable! It wouldn't have been so bad had my neck not been messed up from a car crash a couple of months earlier. Alas, it was messed up and I was about ready to scream by the time it was over. The actual biopsy itself was...like...2 minutes! It was getting situated perfectly that took forever.

Once pressure had been put on my breast for...like...5 years...the bleeding stopped and I was steri-stripped up. I was then led to the ultrasound room for the biopsy on the lymph node. Now, this was pretty neat because I was lying in such a way that I could see everything on the ultrasound machine. I wasn't in any pain (thank you Dr. Macedo!) so it was really interesting to watch. This procedure didn't take nearly as long as the other, because the lymph node stuck out like a sore thumb. Again, pressure on my breast for several minutes and the steri-strips across the small nick in the skin.

I was told to come back the next day, (Wed the 25th) to get my results. 2pm, here I come!